A Fairy Saga
ykw, I loved fairy tales as a kid
PS: it’s gonna be a lot of blabbing so read with caution (open hearts) hellooo.
To my old subscribers: Guys you found me at a different phase of life, and for all your lovely comments and likes, I am so so grateful, but now this blog is changing it’s way from “Breathe” and “The Open Thread” at whatever phase you found it — to a new one that is the “Dawn’s Diary” where I just write out what I do what i feel what i wanna share to anyone having time to read. just that. So I am really sorry if this blabbing does not match to what you found me for, we can part ways, or you can stay to see what’s becoming of it. but it could take some time of yours. as it’s gonna be a lot of raw writing. So thank you again for reading me till now, I am so happy you were along in this very beautiful journey I found for myself, i never expected i can. so so thank you. oh that got long again sory.
So getting on to the story… I am gonna blab on, maybe some hops too with time maybe I’ll write better, but this is how it is right now, coming out…
As a kid everything magical just took my heart away. filled with so much I cannot bring to words maybe. but I’m gonna try.
So recently I’ve been trying to put colors to my imagination to share to see to feel. To have it around me. And so I tried. This is my first one, on trying.
It’s not very good ik, but I loved to bring it to colors, I loved swinging sooo very much as a kid even now, we had swings at our home. And our home was very green, like a jungle in the city, and it was how I imagined every home to be maybe. But blabbing aside…
I just thought I don’t have the quality to draw, ohh it’s just a universal thing, anyone can do anything if they really TRY. just that’s all which is needed.
I even forgot that I liked to draw and do art projects in childhood, I was always so much into making my brother’s and sister’s projects even at any time. late nights. i used to be just so excited and into making stuff. ALL, I had to distance from to focus all my time on studies, and not to say I started spending a bit of time on social media too. Facebook games, and facebook friends. don’t know how it all just became the present enjoyment, and all the creativity excitement just took a back seat. Then came just a lot and lot of studies and not to say parent’s expectations, which I never wanted to let them down on. (as there was another problem I wanted to solve that was my parent’s financials, oh I dreamt of just giving them a life of no tension, no cries, n no loud sounds)
So I just put myself completely into my studies and everything, and forgot everything I liked, just studying and using facebook. talking to a few friends, that was the new enjoyment out of studies. hmm.
Then came coaching classes n stuff for high school, made friends there, now talking to them on whatsapp, and studying. My high school coaching sir kinda made me leave facebook which was a good thing. So I stuck with a one or two friends on whatsapp, and I was fine with it, bcz I really wanted to do good to give my parents and me a better independent full of freedom future. (Not to say, I just loved my freedom always, and whoever ever just became an obstacle in it, came into my list of solving, not short but really long term goal)
I didn’t really felt from inside what I liked, but I did do good at maths, it was easy not so hard and not at all frustrating like Social science, even grammar. So I just took Science, I knew I liked computers, and I got to know a bit about coding from my elder sister seemed interesting so I just went for it in college. (Mainly what I wanted college for was only to get out of my very big house, with some unexplainable wierd restrictions, which I just couldn’t imagine my life being, so I just wanted to get out experience life with all my freedom — I will do anything for it — anything!!)
But now after 6 years after all of that, when I forgot, what all happened. I was just enjoying flowing with life however it was coming. and whatever was needed. I earned goooood in this time. I solved all my parent’s problems. that was the peak happiness. now came the time of me questioning what I am doing is it really really what I wanna do now? a few problems which it came as a solution and for a while enjoyment for is done. now is the time to maybe take some time to revisit, what new or old is needed. (though I didn’t really knew that I’m gonna remember something old, as I did forget everything, a lottttt of it)
I stayed at my parent’s home, the big one, which is a bit less green now (with lot’s of new construction which broke me and my brother’s heart when those trees were made to fall), but still a lot of jungle, a hill you can see. a big leaf shaped garden. which is no longer that well maintained and is pretty greenly wild. It looks good viewing from my room’s window so I don’t mind. When I’ll have the over money to remaintain it maybe i’ll do. but it’s good as of now. I planted some new flowers. And my very lovely plants in my room’s window, which have kinda made their place in ma heart. So ig again i’m blabbing…
But that’s all I’ve got to say.
Oh stop, so I kinda just stopped by once to those barbie movies, if you remember, charm school and fashion fairy tale, oh my god those were my favorites. always in my mind, and it never crossed my mind that I might enjoy watching it again. and could find it on youtube. So once I just saw those new barbie movies on Netflix, and it was really not so good like the old ones, they were just (no words.. amazing) So I went on youtube and I found all of them. It was like transporting to my happiest childhood days. what’s doraemon and everything noooo. it really used to make my day when there was barbie on the TV. best days ever. and today is much more best bcz I can bring the best of those days, and the best of these days. to make it the bestest of TODAY. xdd maybe got too much i’ll try n stop.
hummmm.
So yeah I was a computer science graduate, ofc learnt to code make stuff with it, applications, and lot of things, going on these days, people using it. me travelling too, building too, enjoying connecting with people. events. so many of them. doing a lot of these days stuff. but not what just makes a place in your heart for soo long. like my barbie movies. my fairy tale sagas. my craft. i loved making stuff I just got to know about or got an idea from a book maybe. bcz those days there were no youtube videos. only people. I hated sleeping and eating. i could play all day, study even, make stuff. but not sleep and eat. but again bla bla..
I started making stuff in the past few months, and it just felt soooo me. i was just feeling so much happier where i was, no plans to travel here n there. connect with fellows i don’t NEED to. just being with me so much happy. ofc having all the resources to do all the stuff enjoy it live it.
Btw I also found a new found love which is reading. which i was never ever able to do as a kid. i just couldn’t put my mind to literature and words. I hated grammar, and maybe literature. only spoken stories were the bestest to me. I loved it. ^^
So yeah i started reading, and writing too so I just kinda found a medium to express independently without having really to waste someone else’s time to hear my blabbin… I just blab by myselves which I am kinda like that, i just get into the deatils while speaking. i couldn’t help myselves that’s how it happened so that’s how i’m gonna tell with all the details in mind coming to words. that’s just how i am. but now those details are better to go in words, than to be spoken to people, and people are just busy don’t have that much time these days, which is TOTALLY fine by me. As I’ve always liked to make my life so independent of everything — really EVERYTHING — that’s how my brain just works kinda, sometimes I just have to make it stop.
n yeah yeah if you read my old ones you’re gonna kind of notice I was going through some of the heart ache pain whatever you say, which I am out of now ofc. it all happened, me letting myself not be so independent. so you know why I’m like that, to always work towards being independent bcz it just happily works out for me. the happy kid of me which never cried as a kid, never or rarest occasion.
and now, with all that attachment n stuff those tears were just drooling out these idiot eyes. never gonna come again like that maybe. i like to be that me which was just in the fun and peace and excitement of life. people are not life, they are just bygones, passing, sometimes staying n then again going. that’s how it truly is. i don’t really wouldn’t like to be stuck with anyone ig so. i just feel sooo happy doing my thing being by myselves, and i don’t really like to be in a position that could disturb someone else a bit, so yeah blabbing again… so i’m just not gonna do that again. if they choose it’s fine, but making them choose is something never happening from my side. it just does not work out well for me as i’ve seen and i’m really grateful that it happened. i didn’t really wanted to be lost in the crowd of the hype of the not that heartly useful industry. I am a heart person maybe for now for long i don’t know but that what I am right now and I’m gonna do THAT. live with heart, no idiotic no not so making sense stuff. making something just for the fun of it is just something else. feels like floating. oh like the peace and freedom of everything I ever dreamt of.
So yeah all the dots connected back bringing everything that was needed, ofc I needed to do all that stuff, to bring some financial freedom, but yeah i am so sooo happy to really find this me, not many people knew, a lot of my close friends met me in the facebook time or after that time, many less are from before it, and ofc home people brothers sisters i’ve a big family, they might remember that me. and now i DO too. :D
and you know what, I was kinda a bit awkward, always infact, never shared that my very first email id with which I made my facebook account was — angeldisha really (it just had no match xd it seems wierd now with my name) and I always used to think in high school n after that what was I really thinking that i took such a cliche name, now I can feel that I was really really into fairies and angels and all those magical beautiful worlds. i might be sharing this first time but yeah that’s what i was. and now I kinda feel happy about that email id, not awkward definitely as now I remember why it was the way it was.
And maybe it all became awkward bcz I was born and brought up with boys, and i had a lot of friendships with boys who maybe made fun of it, so i kinda knew not to share that side of me with them in school coaching, and it just went on a back seat, to be forgotten, but now I remember and I am soo soo say girly happy about it. I don’t have a problem maybe now to be girlish, I’ve got a lot of different qualities at different times of my life.
Maybe in childhood I might have seen girls as being pressured on, and dominated, so I’ve always captured that boy kinda thing to always be strong and backfire on people who hurt me or MY people. but yeah now I know that even fairy tale loving girls can be strong (I am). so I’m gonna be that. living my fairy saga and protecting my people, which is anyways a lot protected now. living their life freely too. and me too. being strong and magical.
This was nice guys to share. Maybe next time I’ll tell you more about the game my very magical world I wanna bring to life. With my code and art, and everything I’ve learnt and am yet to learn to bring to do to feel to share to see in this life. On many screens and hearts too maybe. Bubyeeeeeee it was nice to blab around if you really read it. TAtaaaaaa…